We teach the Rage-Fit style, and our motto is: “Don’t just get cross, get into a rage!”

We believe in all-natural training. No magic is to be used, no gauntlets of ogre power or girdles of giant strength, nothing. If you supplement your training with magical enhancements you are a loser and you will never achieve Total Physical Dominance (TPD).

We love to pick up other creatures and put them down again. This is the ultimate way to express your TPD.

So if you ever wondered what the inclusion of oddly specific weights for the seemingly arbitrary selection of creatures in published bestiaries was really for, now you know! The quest for TPD, baby!

Here is our useful weight guide by monster:


Basic Beginner Entry Group (BBEG)

Cockatrice: 5 lbs.
These aren’t actually supposed to be picked up individually. Also, you probably shouldn’t touch them at all. But maybe you can make use of a sack of them if there’s nothing else around.

Dire rat: 25 lbs.
While no self-respecting Rage-Fit practitioner would bother with a single rat, you can fill a sack with them to match the equivalent weight of a more worthy critter.

Hell hound: 100 lbs.
The introductory weight level; ignore anything lighter than this.
It’s recommended that you first wrestle it till it breaths fire, giving you a window of about twenty-four seconds to pick it up without losing your eyebrows. Alternatively, hold them upside down, as it’s common knowledge that dogs can’t look up.
Cloakers weigh the same, too, but there’s no satisfaction to be gained from picking up a curtain.

Rust monster: 200 lbs
Now you’re getting somewhere! Just remember to keep this creature away from anything that might suffer from sudden oxidation.


Very Physically Dominant (VPD)

Basilisk: 300 lbs
Ignore the statues of the losers who came before you. You’re hoisting up thirteen feet of danger-meat!

Bugbear: 400 lbs
Nothing puts these thrill-kill mayhem-mongers in their place better than being picked up and put down again.
(You may note that certain bestiaries may have weight omissions due to racial sensitivity for anything scrawnier than a bugbear, so it’s best not to bother with any humanoid lighter than this, even for training purposes. Want to replace strength training with sensitivity training? No? Neither do we.)

Griffon: 500 lbs
An anger-squark with a cat butt and twenty-five feet of flap. A symbol of power. Show it yours!


Extra Physically Dominant (EPD)

Cyclops: 600 lbs
It may not have great depth perception but its arms are likely longer than yours, so make sure you’re the one doing the picking up and not the other way around. To help with this, maybe don’t make fun of its baldness until after lifting it. Hell, who are we kidding. This isn’t supposed to be a safe sport.

Chimera: 700 lbs
Who doesn’t want to lift three creatures at once? Now you can! Goat horns, dragon breath, this great big growler has everything. But triple the threat means triple the prestige after you conquer it.

Sphinx: 800 lbs
Here’s a riddle for you: What gate stands without sun, grants passage one way, but the other, none?
Answer: I don’t care, I’m about to lift you in the air.
If your target tries to talk to you, don’t listen, just lift. This is about brawn, not brainpower. Can anyone lift with their brain? Okay, maybe they can. But telekinesis is for losers.

Mimic: 900 lbs
Time to show that sticky lootless lick-box who’s boss. You! You’re almost there!


Total Physical Dominance (TPD)

Manticore: 1,000 lbs
Once you’ve worked your way up to this pinnacle of excellence you will have achieved TPD and you’ll be awarded your belt of total physical dominance (BTPD) and be eligible to become a Guildmaster of your own Guild Branch of Total Physical Dominance (GBTPD). Congratulations! Now you will be able to pass on what you have learned, and earn some hefty gold doing it.
This does not mean the end of your Rage-Fit journey, however! Legendary Rage-Fit practitioners can still aim higher, such as the elusive 1,500 lb Owlbear and beyond! Never cease to dominate!

**Warning**
Spriggan gnomes: These guys love to saunter into a guild training yard and taunt newbies into picking them up. They’re an easy lift, until you have them over your head, and then you’ll discover why we call them backsnappers. Never touch a gnome.